Decisions, completions, 100 day countdown

Hello all my loyal followers (yes mom, I'm talking to you) how kind of you to be here, reading this when you could be out gardening (; 

I'd say I will be quick BUT we all know I'm a talker... and by talker I mean rambler. I have about a million thoughts on my mind tonight so we will try and weed through the nonsense but I make no promises. 

SO here we are, 13 weeks and 3 days from my due date, 94 days until my little man arrives... which means BUM BUM BUMMMMMM 3rd trimester is just around the corner. With that being the case I realize just how LITTLE time I actually have left. I have so many overwhelming thoughts of what needs to be done for his arrival. However, I have quite a bit finished as well. 

Finished:
1. Nursery decorations except gallery wall (need pictures of him once he's here to finish it) so i'll put it on the list as done

2. Changing pad/bedding washed and ready

3. Laundry- EVERY sock, blanket, towel, onesie, and outfit little man owns is washed, hung/folded, and put away

Need to complete:
1. Cleaning out the guest/baby bathroom and putting all his gadgets and toiletries away

2. DEEP clean the house. I'm talking EVERYTHING needs to be clean

3. Schedule C-Section date (which I do believe is at my next appointment)

4. Come up with birth plan 

5. Pack hospital bags

6. Utah baby shower

7. Enjoy the final months of me time and sleep


I'm sure there is still so much more I need to do, but alas pregnancy brain works in mysterious ways. I swear I have a huge list in my head RIGHT before I go to the doctors office but as soon as she asks me if I have any questions.. I just stare at her blankly and say "Nope."  SUPER obnoxious. 

The thing that confuses me the most on my "Need to complete" list is the birth plan.. How am I supposed to make a birth plan when I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing with this whole, have a human come out of you thing. 

Also, Cameron hasn't decided if he's going to come home for the birth or not and wants to "wait until it's closer" to decide. I swear every time I talk to him, his answer is different.. So I need to not only make one, but two birth plans for what I need to happen if he is here or if he is gone. Obviously if he's gone than my mom will be in the OR and HOPEFULLY they will allow Cameron to meet our little dude with me via Skype. Also, are birth photographers allowed in the room? Because I think that would be super duper if I could get the moments documented forever ESPECIALLY if Cameron chooses to stay where he's at. 

So many what ifs... so many decisions... so many things that still need to be done. I swear I'm not always a basket case and full of so many anxiety causing issues. However, I will stress, worry, and rip my hair out for the next 94 days until my little man is here and my world is just a little more at peace. 

Until next time,

26 weeks

How far along: 26 Weeks

Gender:Boy (:

Weight gain: I've definitely been eating more than I was because I'm not nauseated so hopefully i've put on some pounds

Maternity clothes: Oh yes... i'm officially a firm believer that leggings are most definitely pant

Stretch marks: Nope

Belly button in or out: Half way in half way out

Sleep: Off and on, I get up at about  2 am and 5 am to pee and its an act of congress to try and haul this belly out of bed

Best moment this week:  My dad being here!

Worst moment this week: Realizing that shaving my legs comfortably is soon coming to an end

Miss anything: My husband :(

Movement: All over the place! I finally got a good minute of his movements recorded and sent them to Cameron

Cravings: Sour patch kids in applesauce... costco pizza and KFC mashed potatoes and gravy

Queasy or sick: I've felt wonderful all week! 

Looking forward to:  entering my final trimester on Friday! 

Until next time,

25 Weeks

How far along: 25 Weeks

Gender:Boy (:

Weight gain: Hopefully more than 2 pounds

Maternity clothes: Everything except my maxi dresses really

Stretch marks: No new ones this week

Belly button in or out: Half way in half way out

Sleep: Off and on but once I get comfortable I'm OUT COLD

Best moment this week: Getting Tim McGraw tickets (:

Worst moment this week: Hormones attacking at 11 pm Monday night because I missed Cameron randomly

Miss anything: BEER!

Movement: So much movement, but of course anytime I try to record it to send it to daddy but he stops as soon as the camera hits him.

Cravings: Fruit!!! Pineapple, watermelon, strawberries, and grapes. 

Queasy or sick: A little queasy but no vomiting!

Looking forward to:  Seeing my dad again this week for a month (: 

Until next time,

Missing you is hard, loving you is easy

"What I have with him is worth it. It is worth every lonely night, every tear I cry from missing him, and the pain I feel from not having him close. It is worth it because he is my one and only. When I picture myself years from now, I see only him. No matter how painful distance can be, not having him in my life would be worse."

Everyone will tell you the same thing, it comes in waves. Some times it's manageable to survive the day with smiles and dare I say "ease." Other days it feels like you're drowning, like no matter what you try to occupy yourself with you can't help but feel a pain in yourself that is almost indescribable. It's so hard to go on with life like everything is fine when some days you just want to cry. You just want to pick up the phone and call him to hear his voice, to tell him you miss him, to tell him you love him, to hear him say all of those things back and ease the hurt.. but you can't. It doesn't work that way. So you suck it up and wait with your phone ringer on as loud as it goes because when it goes off at 6,7,8 am or 10,11 pm.. you answer it without hesitation.

Hearing Cameron's voice on the other side of that phone every few days is the biggest thing I look forward to. Calls can last anywhere between 5-20 minutes, honestly it's never the same but just to hear him say "Hey babe, how are you?" turns any day into the best day of the week, I had been doing really well not getting emotional when we talked, I would talk to him and then carry on with my day. Lately however, I can't seem to have a single conversation with him without ending the call with tears in my eyes and my heart in my stomach. 

I guess you could say it's the hormones, things have gotten progressively harder in the last 2 weeks with my pregnancy and I think both him and I can feel the tension when talking about it. I don't want to bring up how hard it actually is on my end because I don't want him to feel guilty or get depressed that he isn't here to help. He doesn't really know what to say because he isn't here to experience it, so when it comes to the baby.. conversations seem kind of.... on edge. But I know as soon as our Sweet Baby P arrives all of the tension, weirdness, and disconnect on both ends will melt away like butter. There is not a single doubt in my mind that Cameron is going to be the most amazing father (other than mine) and everything will fall perfectly into place. 

I never thought I could miss someone half as much as I miss him and I miss him more and more every day. I keep telling myself that each passing 24 hours will get better and most days I'm right. Most days it is easier to be in my bed alone...other days I sit in this bed, in this room that we share, and it's like being on the Atlantic Ocean and I'm in a row boat. 

Truthfully, I am so very thankful to have him and his support... even if it is from the other side of the world. As much as I wish he was home with me to go through this adventure by my side, I know he is where he needs to be. Missing him is hard, but loving him is easy.

Until next time,

24 Weeks

How far along: 24 Weeks

Gender:Boy (:

Weight gain: Official weigh in at the doctor only shows 1.5 pounds gained. :/

Maternity clothes: Just about all of them!

Stretch marks: No new ones this week

Belly button in or out: Half way in half way out!! Turkey timer is popping up

Sleep: Off and on, I have had some problems with my leg/foot that have been keeping me up.

Best moment this week: Having a sleepover with my dogs at Shay's house, it was nice to just have a night where we can sit and talk all night and watch movies. Also my appointment on Thursday my OB let me know that the little mans 20 week scan and tests all came back normal so he is a healthy little peanut!

Worst moment this week: Getting an U/S on my leg/foot to check for blood clots and being told to stay off my feet for the majority of the day until the results are in, which SHOULD BE any day...

Miss anything: Not really this week...

Movement: YES! I fall more in love with his little kicks and hiccups every day.

Cravings: Hot wings, mexican food, pretty much anything spicy.

Queasy or sick: A little queasy but doing better this week.

Looking forward to:  getting my tests results back to see if I have a clot or not, and my feet not being the size of Alaska 

Until Next Time,

23 Week Update

How far along: 23 Weeks

Gender:Boy (:

Weight gain: 4 pounds!!! FINALLY

Maternity clothes: I officially cannot zip my pre-maternity pants.

Stretch marks: Yeah.. only on my legs.. weirdly enough

Belly button in or out: In

Sleep: Here at my dads it's been AMAZING! Guess it's because I feel at home

Best moment this week: Spending the last 13 days with my dad and 10 with my momma!

Worst moment this week: Haven't had a single bad moment this whole week!

Miss anything: Beer... oh beer...

Movement: YES! Everywhere ALL THE TIME

Cravings: EAT ALL THE HOT SANDWICHES!!

Queasy or sick: Off and on.. but not as bad as usual

Looking forward to: Doctors appointment on Thursday to check on the little guy! 

Until Next Time,

1st Mother's Day: A letter to SJ

Dear Stephen Jack/My Sweet Baby P, 

I woke up this morning to you kicking, harder than ever before. Normally you are pretty still first thing in the morning until I get something to eat or drink to wake you up. Not today, it was almost like you knew it was Mother's Day, like you wanted to remind me that even though you aren't here physically I am still your mom. I can't fathom loving you any more than I do today. However, with each passing day my love for you grows. To the point it almost scares me to know that soon enough you will be here and my heart will be existing outside of myself to grow with you as you become older every day. 

I hope you some day understand just how much you were wanted, wished for, prayed for every single day. You have saved me, without you I would be such a wreck. With your daddy overseas it is so easy to fall into a slump but with your kicks and wiggles it reminds me that I'm not alone in this journey. You remind me each and every day that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. You blessed us at just the right time and for that I couldn't be more thankful. I haven't even met you yet, but you know me better than probably anyone else. 

I love you so much already, I can't wait until I can hold you in my arms instead of only in my heart. Keep on cooking little love, I can be patient. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. You are now, and always will be my greatest accomplishment. 

Love forever and ever, 

Mom

Until Next Time,