10 Things Deployment Has Taught Me:

Not only is this the first deployment Cameron and I have been through together... I'm also pregnant. I've heard the phrase "Get pregnant, you'll find out who your friends are." Honestly, truer words have never been spoken. I don't think this just goes for pregnancy but any hard time you go through. Your true friends show their light when you get stuck in the dark. 


So here are the 10 things I've learned from this deployment thus far:

• How to be strong on my own and to count on myself:

I've learned how to be happy and validated on my own, I know that I am enough and I don't need anyone else to tell me that. I'm a freaking great person and if you have chosen to miss out on that, you're also choosing to miss out on SJ who I already can tell is twice as awesome as I am.  It was when I had a small mental breakdown back in early March and had a impromptu road trip to California did I realize I don't need anyone in our lives who doesn't want to be here. If you said you would be there for me and haven't been, I'm talking to you. You don't get to run away when things get rough and come back into our lives when it's fun again. Sorry. I am just fine with the few friends I have because they've proven to be the ones who will never leave. 

• How to fend for myself:

Honestly I didn't know how to pay bills or money management before Cameron left. Every month he would tell me what we could spend and when I needed to be careful with swiping the card. Now I know exactly what money goes where every paycheck and what I need to do with the rest of it. Granted the first couple months have been hard due to some overseas spending (; but now that everyone will have presents I should be caught up and moving money into savings really soon. 

• Don't sweat the small stuff:

If I am in the middle of folding laundry when Cameron calls you bet your rear end that I am leaving that pile of laundry on the couch to answer the call. It can wait. Also, little things around the house that break or stop working isn't the end of the world. Telling your spouse when they are half way around the world will do nothing but worry them because they can't do anything to fix it. Our oven handle broke, it was a simple fix and  not even a big deal. I chose to fix it myself and tell Cameron AFTER the fact the hilarious story of it breaking on me and me almost falling on my ass because it popped off. 

• You're allowed to cry:

I didn't want to be "that girl" who can't handle her husband being gone. Then I thought about it. We say goodbye to our significant others for countless months and as dark as it sounds, we aren't guaranteed that they'll come home. We deal with dropped calls, crappy internet connections which make skype almost impossible, and my personal favorite quote ever.. "I can't tell you" when answering any question regarding the mission they're sent on.. So yes, it's definitely justifiable to cry. However, you'll be shocked at how "okay" you end up being. 

• Some of the GREATEST people you will ever meet are the other spouses:

 You're going to have to go out of your comfort zone and go to that FRG meeting or that MCU picnic but you'll be surprised how easy it is to talk to them once you try. I personally had NO interest in meeting ANYONE new but by some grace of god while I was in California "finding myself" I was added to the facebook group for the wives and spouses.. I sucked it up, stepped out of my box, and volunteered myself to go early and help set up for the Easter potluck. I am SO glad I did because I met some really great people and if we are being honest, it's nice to be able to talk to someone else who is in your shoes as well. You'll be surprised at the bonds and friendships you make with these people almost instantly. It's a sisterhood not everyone understands and I couldn't be more appreciative of the women I've become friends with. 

• Everyone has their own battles they're dealing with:

I was sooo pissed the first time I saw someone post on Facebook about missing their husband while he was out of town for a couple months but still got to visit. However, I remember when I was in those shoes missing my husband when he was gone for a month of training. Just because my situation is unique and what I feel "more difficult," doesn't give me the right to disregard their feelings. 

• Your marriage/life does not stop because he's gone:

Quite honestly, you have to work harder to keep it alive. You spend hours on care packages, writing letters with JUST the right things to say. Hell, sometimes you'll feel like you're married to an invisible person. Just remember he is removed from the civilian world, he has his own issues that you can’t give advice on, because you don't know what it is he needs to hear or what he really needs to do. In those situations I've learned the best thing to do is apologize that they're in that situation and let them know you believe in them and know they are capable of resolving the problems even if you can't relate to the problem itself. Just little words of encouragement go a LONG way. When he comes home, you don't just go back to how things were. You've developed your routine as a lone ranger and chances are he's not going to sleep right because your bed is going to be WAY to soft. It'll take adjusting. 

• Going to weddings/birthdays by yourself:

Yeah, it blows when you RSVP for 1... you go to a wedding for a mutual friend and wish so much that your spouse was there with you. You spend the days before really deciding if it's worth going to alone and facing the terror of your security blanket being gone. However, you take pictures with the bride and groom, you stay even longer than you anticipated because you're actually enjoying yourself. Don't miss out on opportunities because you're embarrassed or scared to be by yourself. EMBRACE IT! Dance like no ones watching because no one really is.. they're too focused on the birthday girl, or the bride and groom. Have fun and don't be afraid to admit you're having fun without him. 

• Step out of your comfort zone:

If you are anything like I am... you are terrified of doing ANYTHING alone. Hell there was a time I wouldn't even go to the mall without a friend with me. Now, I take myself on dates, I go to the mall, I go on walks, all on my own. I'm also not great at asking for help or to go to lunch with someone, I'm very much that person who thinks that secretly I'm bothering people.. then I see them weeks (or months) later and they ask "why are you never around" I've learned sometimes you can't wait to be invited, sometimes you have to invite yourself. Go to lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Go get your nails done on your own because you can. You are a strong INDEPENDENT person and your spouse will LOVE that you aren't just sitting on the couch, eating oreos, and crying watching The Notebook for the third day in a row. Plus, it'll help your mental state QUITE A BIT. 

• You will make it through this:

It's hard  to have half of your heart gone, but loving him is the easiest thing you've ever done. Cameron was in the military long before we started dating 6 years ago.. I knew what I was signing up for, I knew I could've walked away and avoided all the heartache.. but I never wanted to. Hearing his voice say he loves me and the letters I get to reread when times get hard make it all worth it. People will say they admire you and don't know how you wait for him, but you know there isn't any other choice. Because you would rather wait 100 years for him then spend a single day with anyone else. 

So, if your spouse is deployed and you're having a hard time.. You will make it through this. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Keep going. 

Until next time,